My first post on my (not first) blog was meant to be something entirely different. Certainly not this weird poem that (upon reading a couple times) seems to be pornographic content for a sadist. When I read it out to a few of my friends, they all shifted gingerly in their seats, sporting a look that suggested they were uncomfortably close to a live bomb.
In my defense I will say this – my boss deserves it, even if I may have (slightly) exaggerated the amount of time I’ve worked for him. It hasn’t been three years; more like ummm … 3 months. But hey, creative license has to count for something. Besides, I’ve aged to the tune of three years, so there!
A small request: Please do not try to implement any of the ideas suggested in this poem. They have been performed under controlled circumstances by specialists who now hold a 6X6 cell in some of the most elite prisons all over the world. That’s how it works in modern times. In days gone by, they were generally burned at the stake or thrown into rivers with a stone tied to their ankles.
One more thing: If you should use this poem as your resignation letter, do not hold me responsible for the consequences. That stupidity is on your head.
Die Boss, Die!
(Preferably an Excruciatingly, Agonizingly, Painful Death)
Hey you … my ARROGANT BOSS
So dearly would I like to TOSS
You into a shark-infested pool,
To watch them circle you and drool.
A delicious titbit you would make
Better than shrimps and water snake.
Or would it be better if I
Tied you to the train tracks and watched you die.
Ignored your terrified screams the same way
You turned down my appraisal with a cruel ‘Nay!”
As the train approached, your fear will increase
But I won’t untie you for all your ‘Pretty please!”
You can cry and wail; but save your tears,
Your train is round the corner, your end is near!!!
Or would it be more fun, I am thinking now,
To hang you upside down somehow,
From the lone tree jutting out from a rock
With nothing between you and a 10,000 metre drop.
You can’t bully your way out of this. Oh my,
I can hear the branch breaking. Bye Bye!
Perhaps not just yet; I am not done with you.
I’ve designed ingenious ways to screw
Your happiness, as you did mine
So, my torture techniques, I’ve refined
For you deserve nothing less than the best.
Let’s put my techniques to the test.
Because you put me through hell for 3 years long,
I am going to slip you into a cute little thong,
Let you run amuck in the crowd,
And watch as people jeer and laugh out loud
What a ridiculous spectacle you will be
And who’ll be laughing the loudest? Me!
That’s for humiliating me from morning to night to next morn!
But wait, there’s more, you insufferable moron!
I will dance on you with hobnailed boots
Tear your hair from their roots,
Pluck your eyes and feed them to buzzards
To the hyenas offer your innards,
Rip your head off, use it as a toy
For my dog. “Go, get it boy!”
Skin you alive, inch by inch
Poke your chest with cyanide laced syringe!
Have your body pulled apart by horses wild
You don’t think this is too mild?
Even if it is, well … it will have to do.
I have to get on with my life, too.
Much as I would like to roast you on open fire
And stuff you like a Turkey to quell my ire
Throw you into a never-ending pit
I will have to be satisfied with these two words – I QUIT!